chiari angel

chiari angel

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Scars and beauty

It is cold today. Too cold to wear my flipflops. Did I mention I can't wear real shoes. Years of kidney disease has left me with bone deformities in my left foot and now beginning in the right one. The fingers on my right hand also have some deformity. Despite the massive doses of calcium acetate I take daily  bone problems have occured over time. I really don't worry about the way it looks but I do wish I could find shoes to fit comfortably. Swollen ankles make that impossible. I have a scar from my AV fistula on my left arm. It started out as a tiny scar to a huge bulging vein visible under my skin. That is actually a good thing because it is finally ready to be used for dialysis. When you touch it you can feel the blood pumping through it. It is quite an amazing thing. A while back I had to have an ultrasound  on it to make sure everything was working as it should. Sensing my discomfort the  wonderful ultrasound tech. tracing her fingers along it to check for what is called the "thrill" {I know it's a funny term} said to me,'it's a  beautiful scar,always remember this is your lifeline". My scars don't bother me. When I have my transplant  scar I will be grateful for it. I believe scars can be beautiful.
I see beauty as the grace point between what hurts and what heals, between the shadow of tragedy and the light of joy. I find beauty in my scars. 
Alexandra Heather Foss

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