chiari angel

chiari angel

Monday, August 1, 2016

The Cancer..

I don't even know where to begin with this post. Life is so unpredictable. I have stage 4 non small cell lung cancer and have been receiving chemo treatments for several months. My oncologist says I will need maintenance chemo for the rest of my life. The hope is the tumor will shrink. It has already and I am trying to stay positive it will even more. I'm not even going to say how awful chemo is except it is pure hell on the body. My biggest concern is the kidney Ryan gave to me . Thank God it has not been negatively affected by the treatments. I couldn't deal with that possibility.


Everyone says I'm so strong. I'm really not. I feel like my life is not my own. It feels like I'm watching someone else's sad life unfold. My husband and daughter could possibly have to endure another loss. I assure you I'm not giving up. I have days that I do feel I can beat this. Especially since I'm still fighting for Justice in Ryan's death. I have much to accomplish. yet.

It will the three years on August 11th that Ryan was taken from us. It still feels raw , not real. I still feel like I will wake up from this nightmare and he will be here by my side. It was all a dream I tell myself in those moments between half awake and half asleep.

I met a fellow grieving mom a while back. Her beautiful brave son Jared was diagnosed with Chiari a year ago. Sadly he lost his battle just three months later. Much the same way as Ryan. His very brave mom Tina and I have become best friends and sisters. She has been a God send in my life. We believe it was our sons who brought us together. One thing Ryan's death taught me was not to wait to do the things you want to do. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Tina and I have so much in common and I know our son's would be happy we met. We get together often,cry together and lift each other up.

Tina and I danced in the rain after my cancer diagnosis





6 comments:

  1. Zona sending you prayers and blessings; as someone who has chiari 1, syringomyelia, hydrocephalus and too many other things to count, I am so sorry to hear of this new blow in yours and your families lives. I do hope there is success with you treatment. Take care Sarah

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  2. I love you, Zona. I am so glad you're a part of my life even if our health has prevented us from meeting in person yet. If there's one thing I know, we are fighters. We will get through all this. <3

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  3. Beautifully said Zona. You have brought Ryan's story to the forefront and I personally feel like I knew Ryan by way of your stories even though we've never met. Keep fighting the good fight... never loose hope. Your life and Ryan's life are a centerpiece for many of us who lose our way in our own battles, bringing us back with the reminder that despite a lack of care and knowledge that awareness, education and a strong spirit brings strength not only to ourselves but to others in our lives as well. Thank you for sharing both your lives with all of us!

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  4. Beautifully said Zona. You have brought Ryan's story to the forefront and I personally feel like I knew Ryan by way of your stories even though we've never met. Keep fighting the good fight... never loose hope. Your life and Ryan's life are a centerpiece for many of us who lose our way in our own battles, bringing us back with the reminder that despite a lack of care and knowledge that awareness, education and a strong spirit brings strength not only to ourselves but to others in our lives as well. Thank you for sharing both your lives with all of us!

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  5. Praying for your strength and healing. Love to you and your family. Thank you for sharing Ryan's and your story.

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  6. Zona,
    You are an exceptional woman. A true warrior and survivor. Our inspiration.
    As he watches over you and the rest of the family, Ryan is smiling and admiring you from above. He knows how much you have worked and how hard you continue to work regardless of how you are feeling to keep his voice alive. His life story has, is and will continue to inspire many people around the world.
    We are praying for your you and asking God to please continue to bless you with much needed healing and strength. Hugs. ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ฎ๐Ÿ’œ

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