chiari angel

chiari angel

Friday, October 11, 2013


The pain comes in is always with me but the intensity ebbs and flows like the ocean. A song I hear or a face in the crowd that even remotely resembles my son and I am again stricken by unbearable grief. I am forever life will always consist of before Ryan's death and after Ryan's death.Losing a child is the worst possible hell one can go through.

On my mantel there is a Photo of Ryan...His donate Life hat...Two Silk Butterflies from his funeral...A Plate that says 'I Love You Mom' that he made me in 1st grade and a Box filled with his ashes. Inside me I carry  the kidney he donated to me in his death. These things besides my memories are all I have left of my precious boy. People have been so kind and have comforted me in my pain. I know Ryan is grateful for that because right before he died he asked me a million times if I was going to be okay. It was as if he wanted permission to let go of his pain and suffering. So for Ryan.. my daughter and husband and grandchildren I have to be okay.

But how do I do that? Someone tell me. There is no magic wand and time will not heal. The only thing more heartbreaking than seeing your child suffer is watching them die.

We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!



      1. God Bless You and yours. Prayers for your broken hearts. <3

      2. My heart breaks hearing your tears and pain. I pray for your comfort and peace. I commend you for your strength to write this for public awareness!

      3. Prayers for you! I am very sorry for your loss! I think you for your awareness! From one Chiari mom