|Me with my Dad a few weeks before his death.|
Friday, April 5, 2013
I have been thinking about my dad a lot today. In fact...I mourned for him all over again....even though he passed many years ago with the very same kidney disease I now suffer. I came across a documentary that was made around the same time as my dad's death. It is called Who Shall Live? It is about the rationing of dialysis treatment in the 60s and how the so called Death Panel chose whose life was worth saving and whose wasn't. Basically it came down to who could afford the $30,000 one had to pay to receive the treatment. It is hard to imagine this would ever happen today in this country...thank God everyone has access to this life saving machine . There was a part in the film when the interviewer asked a man about to be hooked up to a dialysis machine "what happened to the patients that were not chosen"? The man replied..."they're all dead"...I broke down and cried...my dad was one of them.
I have not felt well all week and I seem to have slept more than usual, I am so tired. I believe the IV iron has worn off and I may be anemic again.I had 3 iron infusions last month which usually last a while... but not this time. I am also having another mild pancreatities attack. I recognize the symptoms as this is my 5th attack so far. The endoscopy I had revealed scarring on my pancreas due to my lasix.But of course.I.have to take them anyway. Usually I head straight to the er for my attacks but I am not going to this time. There is nothing they can do for me there that I can't do at home. Besides I know what to watch out for...the danger signs.Been down this road too many times.