The Waiting...

As of today December 1st 2012 I have been waiting  985 days for a kidney transplant...Hopefully my wait won't be much longer. I am disappointed I have not received a call from Vanderbilt yet about the tests from the donor swap and really thought I would by now..but they did say it would take 2 or 3 weeks. This is very frustrating,I have never been good at waiting for anything. I am not the most patient person in the world but I have learned to just let go and let things happen as they are supposed to. I have done everything I can do, and for now it's out of my hands. I realize there are people who have waited years and years for a kidney transplant and I feel blessed that my wait time could be much shorter. It's just that I had hoped to have this behind me for the New Year...and have spent the past few weeks preparing myself emotionally and spiritually to go through with this... things I needed to say and reflect upon. I know God has a reason for the delay and it will happen in His time... not my own.

Something I have come to realize and had to accept along this journey is that a transplant is not a cure for this disease...the process of kidney damage starts over again. There is no cure for IGA Nephropathy. What the transplant will do is give me more time...time to spend with my family....To live.

This poem touched me deeply and I will be reading it daily to remind myself to have faith in the  power of  my Saviour Jesus Christ.

The Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

“Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

by Russell Kelfer