chiari angel

chiari angel

Monday, March 11, 2013

I choose not to lose hope...

To me one of the worst things that could happen is to lose hope that things will get any better. I hate to admit it...but lately when I am feeling so bad I  have found myself wanting to give up and give in. I think it is only human  to feel hopeless at times when dealing with any chronic illness.. I look back over the past year and realize what a roller coaster ride I have been on. So many ups and downs and disappointments it's no wonder. I have often heard when people are ill and dying say "I'm just too tired to fight anymore". Or someone will say..."she just gave up". Now I understand...what they mean. That is exactly why it is so important to do your best not to even ponder the thought of giving up and giving in...because once you let yourself go down that road it's hard to turn back. I am going to live as though I have many years  ahead of me because who knows maybe I do. I will never forget the day I saw the words in bold letters written across my medical records...KIDNEY FAILURE TERMINAL. My doctors never used the word "terminal" to me and it knocked off my feet. It is  not terminal..I will get a transplant and I will live a long time. How dare they say terminal! What an ugly word! No one except for God can say when I am ready to give up.

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