This blog is dedicated to my son Ryan McGee who passed away August 11th 2013 from complications of Chiari Malformation. In his death he gave life to others including myself by donating his organs. Please visit Ryan's facebook page to learn more about Chiari and help raise awareness.https://www.facebook.com/RyanMcgeechiariangel?ref=hl#
Monday, November 5, 2012
Laughter and tears...
Wow! What an emotional week it has been! It really hit me yesterday when I broke down and just could not stop crying. I was going about my day as best as I could with the very limited energy I have. A short trip to the grocery store for the chicken I had planned for dinner and I knew I would have to come home and lie down for a while . Even the smallest tasks are just too exhausting these days . Sitting in my car in the store parking lot the emotions I felt during the past week came pouring out. Just out of nowhere. I can't explain why or what triggered the tears. I think it is probably normal to go through all these emotions. So I just embraced it and let myself go with it. I guess some people would call it "wallowing in self pity" but that was not it at all. I was not feeling sorry for myself..I was finally mourning the loss of the person I was years ago before this illness took over my body.My doctor jokes with me that I could give her lecture on kidney disease because I have been through so much. I have learned that I am stronger and more resilient that I ever thought I could be.My body may be broken but my spirit is strong. And I also have realized that I deserve to be healthy and happy. I always worry about the people around me and not so much myself . I know that part of me will not change. It is just who I am. If someone around me is upset than I am upset too. My mother used to tell me that I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I guess that to be true. Because I also cried yesterday for the thousands of people who are still waiting for a chance to live a normal healthy life. I recently read an article that said last year alone 4,720 people died waiting for a kidney transplant. I am so thankful for my donor and my chance to get my transplant. I just cannot express enough how grateful I am to her for never giving up even when she was told we were not a match.Thinking of her and the gift she is giving me made me cry even more.. Sitting at dinner last night with my family and feeding my grand-daughter my mac and cheese for the first time I was hit with another emotion. Happiness and joy! In the movie Steel Magnolias there is a line where Dolly Parton says..."Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion". That is my favorite as well. That is how you know you are truly alive.